Interviewing is by far the most unnerving yet critical aspects to clinching a job today and oh how I LOVE a good interview, but hate the wait time. I always wonder if interviewers remember those days of searching for a job . . . waiting for a phone call . . . a response . . . an answer. It's painful. I consider myself patient, but I'm not especially settled when I know that my future is hanging by a thread. I go into interviews prepared and ready to answer queries and potential land mines. But it never seems to be enough!
Last week the assistant superintendent at a school district called me to set up an interview. Said he wanted to check my qualifications and make sure that I knew the aspects of the job. Turns out the newspaper didn't indicate that it was a one year position. No matter to me . . . I'll take it. It's a risk, but chances are, if you perform well, the school will hire you in another capacity or for that job . . . you just never know. So . . . he said that he was going to talk to the principals and then set up a time for an interview for next week (that would be this week). He wanted to see how they could include me in the program even though it was through the special education department and they were going to see "how to make that work." Hmm. Then he asked if I was teaching in a district and I said "No, I'm teaching, but not in a district." He said. "OH!" and I thought "oh no . . . oh no . . .does this matter??" He then said, "But you have a secondary certificate in English, correct?" I said "YES!" (not that loudly) Well, I didn't hear from him the rest of Friday, so I called. The secretary told me that he had been in meetings all day and that he was in a meeting right then. I started panicking. I thought I'm done I'm done. . . he's not interested . . . he's confused me with someone else and made a mistake calling me. So I fast forwarded the time to after work. I thought maybe he called me at home and left a "regret" message. That would be the safe way. Or maybe he didn't call at all. That would be preferable because then that meant he was really busy. OH GOD! The knots one can bind oneself up in--it's insane. CRAZY. So I've been waiting all weekend wondering if he would call me at home (didn't) and then wondered when he had a time in mind next week because we all have a shortened week (panic).
Perhaps I need to cool it and find something else to do with my time . . . Maybe I'll make jewelry.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Monday, April 7, 2008
Umm Like Hemingway or Something
Me: Standing in line to buy a book at Barnes and Noble
Unknown High School/College Student to Salesperson:
Like. Yeah. I have to get this book called I think Old Man and the Sea (intoned as a question) and I don't know where to find it. I'm not sure if it's fiction or nonfiction. (I was impressed she even knew the difference--this would lead me to believe that she probably is indeed a college student at a local college. Community. Very local.)I think it's like Hemingway or something. (She shook her head and rolled her eyes like how could her teacher/professor possibly expect her to find such an obscure book at a bookstore of all places.)
Salesperson:
Hmmm . . . Let me check the computer for you (she actually had to think about this??)
Me: (silently)
Like Hemingway or something! What the hell . . . Okay, be nice. BE NICE. And wow it's like some crazy author--no one has heard of him. Like whoa. He's so rare. Wow, like I had better check the computer because there is a strong possibility that Barnes and Noble may not carry this book. I mean, it's so rare and all.
Me:
I know I know--I'm a teacher. Like yeah!! And gawd I should understand the plight of our youth today, seeing that they were brought up and raised by TVs instead of people. And it's my job to rub the grit of ignorance out of their eyes, right?? Like yeah! But jaysus there are days I want to beat my head against a very hard door and wonder if, for example, that Old Man and the Sea, which is not the best of Hemingway, will be the only book this poor brain-frittered mind of a girl will ever read in her life and that my friends is the saddest tale of all.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Tis' the Season to Be Greedy
Two concepts totally floor me (except in certain situations), but seem to be de rigueur in this millennium. Regifting and returning gifts. Call me old fashioned . . . whatever . . . but I cannot think of anything as tacky as handing someone else a gift intended for you. Okay, so you want to save a few bucks and know this person perhaps--may--like the gift. Sorry, still tacky. The best part is that I can always tell when someone regifts. The item has a certain lackluster look to it--like it's been tossed around the house a while. Then there is the silent pause that ensues after the gift has been given. The giver knows darn well that there is a 50% chance that you may know it's a regift and holds his or her breath, hoping you didn't notice the scuff mark on the plastic casing. The giver also holds his or her breath knowing that you didn't really state that you wanted this gift or show an interest in it, but that it is VERY much liked by the giver or one of the giver's family members. It was an apparent "over gift"--meaning, an object already owned by the giver. Oy vey . . . dost thou think we are stupid?
To me the act of giving simply means that you give an item or perform an activity to show appreciation, thoughtfulness, love, or good cheer. Giving for the sake of making yourself look good is crass and obvious. I can't say that this has happened to me a lot, but I know when it does and it makes me feel . . . like party leftovers.
I can very proudly say I have never regifted--nor would I think of it. I have outright told someone, hey I have something that I can't use, doesn't fit, I already have the same pair--would you like it? Here take it . . .
Now that's a whole different story.
I'm also amazed with the "Return Item Givee's" I have heard of certain family members moaning about gifts that they didn't like and were going to return. hunh? I thought the return line was for things that didn't work or sizes that didn't fit. Not to return an item because it didn't suit you. What the hell is wrong with people? A gift is a gift--suck it up and accept it. It was meant to show appreciation, good cheer, love, or thoughtfulness--so shut up, if you don't like it. Instead of whining and complaining how no one understands you, think about WHY the person gave you the gift. And this includes "regifting". So while I don't like regifts and want to say to people--listen, give me anything--it doesn't matter--it's the thought that counts, I also have to remind myself that the regift probably had some good intention behind it--even if it is tacky.
That old adage--it's the thought the counts--still applies today. It's not an old-fashioned concept. In our narcissistic and materialistic society, people have come to believe that they are "owed" something and that they "deserve" better. That just sounds like Grinch-lingo. Think like a Who and get over yourself!
To me the act of giving simply means that you give an item or perform an activity to show appreciation, thoughtfulness, love, or good cheer. Giving for the sake of making yourself look good is crass and obvious. I can't say that this has happened to me a lot, but I know when it does and it makes me feel . . . like party leftovers.
I can very proudly say I have never regifted--nor would I think of it. I have outright told someone, hey I have something that I can't use, doesn't fit, I already have the same pair--would you like it? Here take it . . .
Now that's a whole different story.
I'm also amazed with the "Return Item Givee's" I have heard of certain family members moaning about gifts that they didn't like and were going to return. hunh? I thought the return line was for things that didn't work or sizes that didn't fit. Not to return an item because it didn't suit you. What the hell is wrong with people? A gift is a gift--suck it up and accept it. It was meant to show appreciation, good cheer, love, or thoughtfulness--so shut up, if you don't like it. Instead of whining and complaining how no one understands you, think about WHY the person gave you the gift. And this includes "regifting". So while I don't like regifts and want to say to people--listen, give me anything--it doesn't matter--it's the thought that counts, I also have to remind myself that the regift probably had some good intention behind it--even if it is tacky.
That old adage--it's the thought the counts--still applies today. It's not an old-fashioned concept. In our narcissistic and materialistic society, people have come to believe that they are "owed" something and that they "deserve" better. That just sounds like Grinch-lingo. Think like a Who and get over yourself!
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Cyberbullying--What It Is and Why You Should Care
Cyberbullying
Bullying is not new; neither is cyberbullying, but it's easier to carry out because it requires no confrontation, reaches a larger audience, and can be more damaging. Here are some examples of cyberbullying from © WiredKids, Inc.:
In short, cyberbullying is "willful and repeated harm inflicted through the medium of electronic text" (Patchin & Hinduja, 2006).
The constructs of “malicious intent,” “violence,” “repetition,” and “power differential” appear most salient when constructing a comprehensive definition of traditional bullying, and are similarly appropriate when attempting to define this new permutation. To be sure, cyberbullies are malicious aggressors who seek implicit or explicit pleasure or profit through the mistreatment of another individual. Violence is often associated with aggression, and corresponds to actions intended to inflict injury (of any type). One instance of mistreatment, while potentially destructive, cannot accurately be equated to bullying, and so cyberbullying must also involve harmful behavior of a repetitive nature. Finally, due to the very nature of the behavior, cyberbullies have some perceived or actual power over their victims. While “power” in traditional bullying might be physical (stature) or social (competency or popularity), online power may simply stem from proficiency. That is, youth who are able to navigate the electronic world and utilize technology in a way that allows them to harass others are in a position of power relative to a victim. There are two major electronic devices that young bullies can employ to harass their victims from afar. First, using a personal computer a bully can send harassing emails or instant messages, post obscene, insulting, and slanderous messages to online bulletin boards, or develop web sites to promote and disseminate defamatory content. Second, harassing text messages can be sent to the victim via cellular phones.
CITATION: Patchin, J. W. and Hinduja, S. (2006). Bullies Move beyond the Schoolyard: A Preliminary Look at Cyberbullying. Youth Violence and Juvenile Justice, 4(2), 148-169.
Bullying is not new; neither is cyberbullying, but it's easier to carry out because it requires no confrontation, reaches a larger audience, and can be more damaging. Here are some examples of cyberbullying from © WiredKids, Inc.:
- Instant Messaging/Text Messaging Harassment
- Hateful Anonymous Messages sent via email or text messaging
- Bashing Websites: Example: Vote for the Ugliest Girl at XYZ Middle School
- Anonymous Death Threats
- Making False Accusations to Child's Email Provider
- Sending Unwanted Pictures Through Email or Cell Phones
- Stealing Passwords
- Defamatory Blogs
- Sending Porn or Other Junk Email and IMs
- Uploading Child's Pictures to Unsavory Web Sites
- Impersonation
- Sending Malicious Code (viruses)
- Interactive gaming
In short, cyberbullying is "willful and repeated harm inflicted through the medium of electronic text" (Patchin & Hinduja, 2006).
The constructs of “malicious intent,” “violence,” “repetition,” and “power differential” appear most salient when constructing a comprehensive definition of traditional bullying, and are similarly appropriate when attempting to define this new permutation. To be sure, cyberbullies are malicious aggressors who seek implicit or explicit pleasure or profit through the mistreatment of another individual. Violence is often associated with aggression, and corresponds to actions intended to inflict injury (of any type). One instance of mistreatment, while potentially destructive, cannot accurately be equated to bullying, and so cyberbullying must also involve harmful behavior of a repetitive nature. Finally, due to the very nature of the behavior, cyberbullies have some perceived or actual power over their victims. While “power” in traditional bullying might be physical (stature) or social (competency or popularity), online power may simply stem from proficiency. That is, youth who are able to navigate the electronic world and utilize technology in a way that allows them to harass others are in a position of power relative to a victim. There are two major electronic devices that young bullies can employ to harass their victims from afar. First, using a personal computer a bully can send harassing emails or instant messages, post obscene, insulting, and slanderous messages to online bulletin boards, or develop web sites to promote and disseminate defamatory content. Second, harassing text messages can be sent to the victim via cellular phones.
CITATION: Patchin, J. W. and Hinduja, S. (2006). Bullies Move beyond the Schoolyard: A Preliminary Look at Cyberbullying. Youth Violence and Juvenile Justice, 4(2), 148-169.
Here is more:
Offenders of cyberbullying tend to rationalize their behavior in certain ways. Half (50%) justify it as being done in fun, instructive (22.2%), or as an indirect tool used to strengthen victims (13%).
What is the school's role in this? When schools try and get involved by disciplining the student for cyberbullying actions that took place off-campus and outside of school hours, they are often sued for exceeding their authority and violating the student's free speech right. They also, often lose. Schools can be very effective brokers in working with the parents to stop and remedy cyberbullying situations. They can also educate the students on cyberethics and the law.
If schools are creative, they can sometimes avoid the claim that their actions exceeded their legal authority for off-campus cyberbullying actions. We recommend that a provision is added to the school's acceptable use policy reserving the right to discipline the student for actions taken off-campus if they are intended to have an effect on a student or they adversely affect the safety and well-being of student while in school. This makes it a contractual, not a constitutional, issue.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
The Dyslexic Brain
Overcoming Dyslexia: Timing Of 'Connections' In Brain Is Key
ScienceDaily (2007-09-05) -- Using new software developed to investigate how the brains of dyslexic children are organized, researchers have found that key areas for language and working memory involved in reading are connected differently in dyslexics than in children who are good readers and spellers. However, a three-week instructional program can normalize those connections. ... > read full article
Friday, October 12, 2007
Congratulations, Mrs. Lessing
Lessing wins Nobel prize for literature
By Peter Aspden
Published: October 12 2007 03:00
Doris Lessing, the prolific English novelist who crafted her reputation as a critic of colonial African society and whose career has spanned an occasionally bewildering range of styles and genres, has been awarded the Nobel prize for literature at the age of 87.
The Swedish Academy yesterday described Ms. Lessing as "that epicist of the female experience, who with scepticism, fire and visionary power has subjected a divided civilisation to scrutiny".
She is the 11th woman to receive the literature prize since its inception in 1901, and the 34th woman Nobel laureate across all categories.
Ms. Lessing is best known for her series of novels Children of Violence, written in the 1950s and featuring her heroine Martha Quest, whose growth in consciousness reflected the author's concerns over social justice.
Her first, semi-autobiographical novel, The Grass is Singing, addressed the culture clashes and racial discrimination she encountered during her childhood in Southern Rhodesia, now Zimbabwe, where she moved with her parents at the age of six.
Ms. Lessing, born in Persia, now Iran, left school at the age of 14 and went on to work as a nanny, telephonist, office worker and stenographer before having several short stories published.
In 1939 she married Frank Charles Wisdom, with whom she had a son and a daughter. The couple divorced in 1943 and two years later she married Gottfried Lessing, whom she had met in a Marxist group and with whom she had a son.
She moved to Britain in 1949, joined the British Communist party and became a fierce critic of the South African regime.
In 1956, Ms. Lessing was declared a prohibited alien in Southern Rhodesia and South Africa, a ban that was lifted in 1995.
In the 1960s the author broke new ground with The Golden Notebook, which examined the multiple aspects of the life of a woman, Anna Wulf, in an experimental style. The burgeoning feminist movement regarded it as a pioneering work.
Ms. Lessing went on to experiment with a variety of styles. Her Briefing for a Descent into Hell in 1971 was described by the author as "inner space fiction", while her series Canopus in Argos: Archives was a post-nuclear study in science fiction.
She was attacked for being "unfeminine" in her work, to which she replied: "Apparently what many women were thinking, feeling, experiencing came as a great surprise."
In The Good Terrorist of 1985, she satirised the contemporary left and the novel's female protagonist, for her misguided martyrdom.
The Fifth Child, written in 1988, was a psychological thriller in which a woman's aggression against family life was incarnated in a monstrous boy child.
Ms Lessing was appointed a companion of honour in 1999, having turned down the offer of becoming a dame of the British empire, because she said there was no British empire.
Her most recent novel, The Cleft, was published in January by Fourth Estate to mixed reviews.
Copyright The Financial Times Limited 2007
By Peter Aspden
Published: October 12 2007 03:00
Doris Lessing, the prolific English novelist who crafted her reputation as a critic of colonial African society and whose career has spanned an occasionally bewildering range of styles and genres, has been awarded the Nobel prize for literature at the age of 87.
The Swedish Academy yesterday described Ms. Lessing as "that epicist of the female experience, who with scepticism, fire and visionary power has subjected a divided civilisation to scrutiny".
She is the 11th woman to receive the literature prize since its inception in 1901, and the 34th woman Nobel laureate across all categories.
Ms. Lessing is best known for her series of novels Children of Violence, written in the 1950s and featuring her heroine Martha Quest, whose growth in consciousness reflected the author's concerns over social justice.
Her first, semi-autobiographical novel, The Grass is Singing, addressed the culture clashes and racial discrimination she encountered during her childhood in Southern Rhodesia, now Zimbabwe, where she moved with her parents at the age of six.
Ms. Lessing, born in Persia, now Iran, left school at the age of 14 and went on to work as a nanny, telephonist, office worker and stenographer before having several short stories published.
In 1939 she married Frank Charles Wisdom, with whom she had a son and a daughter. The couple divorced in 1943 and two years later she married Gottfried Lessing, whom she had met in a Marxist group and with whom she had a son.
She moved to Britain in 1949, joined the British Communist party and became a fierce critic of the South African regime.
In 1956, Ms. Lessing was declared a prohibited alien in Southern Rhodesia and South Africa, a ban that was lifted in 1995.
In the 1960s the author broke new ground with The Golden Notebook, which examined the multiple aspects of the life of a woman, Anna Wulf, in an experimental style. The burgeoning feminist movement regarded it as a pioneering work.
Ms. Lessing went on to experiment with a variety of styles. Her Briefing for a Descent into Hell in 1971 was described by the author as "inner space fiction", while her series Canopus in Argos: Archives was a post-nuclear study in science fiction.
She was attacked for being "unfeminine" in her work, to which she replied: "Apparently what many women were thinking, feeling, experiencing came as a great surprise."
In The Good Terrorist of 1985, she satirised the contemporary left and the novel's female protagonist, for her misguided martyrdom.
The Fifth Child, written in 1988, was a psychological thriller in which a woman's aggression against family life was incarnated in a monstrous boy child.
Ms Lessing was appointed a companion of honour in 1999, having turned down the offer of becoming a dame of the British empire, because she said there was no British empire.
Her most recent novel, The Cleft, was published in January by Fourth Estate to mixed reviews.
Copyright The Financial Times Limited 2007
Monday, October 8, 2007
Hey Parents, Leave Them Teachers Alone
Is it no wonder that teachers are leaving the profession by the droves? In addition to worrying about scores from NCLB-mandated state tests, teachers have to contend with a variety of distracting factions. Parents either become completely absorbed and obsessed with their children's education, or they completely ignore it hoping their children will miraculously fly through school without any outside assistance. Can we have some middle ground here?
Many school administrators walk on eggshells around parents dreading to hear "lawsuit". Please. If a parent wants to blame Mr. X for his or her child's performance, then I suggest we need to resort to video taping classrooms. Yes, let's up the surveillance. I know it will give us teachers a breather. We know that our stories can be corroborated by a video tape. Why not? Lots of alternative education schools do this, why not ALL schools. Heck, I'll even chip in part of my paycheck.
In addition, some parents become so involved in their children's education that they question a teacher on seat placement (when there is nothing wrong with the child). As people in our society become more in tune with their children's education and as their socioeconomic status throughout generations has improved, many parents feel they have a right to make sure their money is being well used. This new money in the wallet syndrome makes them really conscious of where it's going, and they better be investing it well. I have heard parents say "Well, we pay for you to teach." Not so--if you knew that you are only paying for about a nickel of my salary (if that) where would you direct your anger?
I believe a teacher has a right to use his or her professional expertise without being constantly monitored, drilled, and analyzed to death. I agree that teachers need to be accountable for their teaching as any professional should be accountable for the quality of his or her work. But there comes a point when parents needs to back off, and have a little faith. Parents need to realize that no educational environment is going to be totally in synch with what their children need. Guess what? Welcome to the real world. It's called adaptation, and unless children are taught to adapt to their new environments they will continually suffer from "I'm specialitis". This just doesn't fly in the workplace.
And many times, these overbearing, suffocating parents are the ones who threaten HOME SCHOOLING when the going gets tough at school. Yes, I can see how coddling your child in the comfort of your home will prepare your child for the harsh realities of life. Even more, I can understand that when things don't go your way (i.e. can't run the teacher or boss her around) you want to stamp your foot and pout. But let's think about the greater good here for the child--not your ego. Children need social interaction to become well-developed adults--they won't get this kind of interaction at home. In addition, the classroom prepares children for what they will be doing the rest of their lives: WORK. If children can't get along with their peers--how will they get along with their future coworkers? Education should be as individualized as possible for maximum learning benefit. At the same time, life doesn't adapt for US, we must adapt for it. So there also has to be a happy medium between giving children 100% of what they need and teaching them that life does not consist of everything being geared or catered to their needs.
I'm one of the biggest supporters of adapting classrooms, differentiating instruction, and helping special learners. But my job becomes increasingly difficult when I have to worry about whether I can sit Joe next to John and will I get a phone call from the parents. Hmmm . . . Parents, there are greater things out there for you to be concerned with. Just let the teachers teach, and we won't tell you how to parent or discipline your children--even if we can do it better than you can.
Many school administrators walk on eggshells around parents dreading to hear "lawsuit". Please. If a parent wants to blame Mr. X for his or her child's performance, then I suggest we need to resort to video taping classrooms. Yes, let's up the surveillance. I know it will give us teachers a breather. We know that our stories can be corroborated by a video tape. Why not? Lots of alternative education schools do this, why not ALL schools. Heck, I'll even chip in part of my paycheck.
In addition, some parents become so involved in their children's education that they question a teacher on seat placement (when there is nothing wrong with the child). As people in our society become more in tune with their children's education and as their socioeconomic status throughout generations has improved, many parents feel they have a right to make sure their money is being well used. This new money in the wallet syndrome makes them really conscious of where it's going, and they better be investing it well. I have heard parents say "Well, we pay for you to teach." Not so--if you knew that you are only paying for about a nickel of my salary (if that) where would you direct your anger?
I believe a teacher has a right to use his or her professional expertise without being constantly monitored, drilled, and analyzed to death. I agree that teachers need to be accountable for their teaching as any professional should be accountable for the quality of his or her work. But there comes a point when parents needs to back off, and have a little faith. Parents need to realize that no educational environment is going to be totally in synch with what their children need. Guess what? Welcome to the real world. It's called adaptation, and unless children are taught to adapt to their new environments they will continually suffer from "I'm specialitis". This just doesn't fly in the workplace.
And many times, these overbearing, suffocating parents are the ones who threaten HOME SCHOOLING when the going gets tough at school. Yes, I can see how coddling your child in the comfort of your home will prepare your child for the harsh realities of life. Even more, I can understand that when things don't go your way (i.e. can't run the teacher or boss her around) you want to stamp your foot and pout. But let's think about the greater good here for the child--not your ego. Children need social interaction to become well-developed adults--they won't get this kind of interaction at home. In addition, the classroom prepares children for what they will be doing the rest of their lives: WORK. If children can't get along with their peers--how will they get along with their future coworkers? Education should be as individualized as possible for maximum learning benefit. At the same time, life doesn't adapt for US, we must adapt for it. So there also has to be a happy medium between giving children 100% of what they need and teaching them that life does not consist of everything being geared or catered to their needs.
I'm one of the biggest supporters of adapting classrooms, differentiating instruction, and helping special learners. But my job becomes increasingly difficult when I have to worry about whether I can sit Joe next to John and will I get a phone call from the parents. Hmmm . . . Parents, there are greater things out there for you to be concerned with. Just let the teachers teach, and we won't tell you how to parent or discipline your children--even if we can do it better than you can.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Boys and Books--Reading Don't Fix No Chevys
Wake up, America--our boys aren't reading. Statistics throughout the years have consistently shown that young male readers lag behind female counterparts. The data are consistent with studies in New Zealand, England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland.
Why is this happening?
Research on gender and literacy has shown some interesting facts:
1) Boys take longer to learn to read than girls
2) Boys read less than girls
3) Girls comprehend both narrative and expository texts better than boys
4) Boys finding reading boring and no fun
5) Boys like informational texts more than fiction--most reading teachers are women who favor fiction rather than informational texts
6) Boys do not like reading stories about girls; girls don't mind reading about boys or girls
7) Boys enjoy escapism and humor, science fiction, and fantasy
8) The majority of learning support students are boys (80%)
9) Boys like to read books about things they do or might be interested in doing
10) After the early years, boys view reading as a girl's activity
In other words, if we want boys to read, we have to try to help them find interesting, informational books that tap into their personal interests. They need to see their fathers, big brothers, or other male figures reading books. Since boys have a tendency to be more active, they need more breaks and opportunities to move around the classroom even as they are reading. Most older boys like to read books that serve a purpose--like fixing a Chevy . . .
So we can continue to teach them against the grain or accept the fact that those boys in our lives have different needs that must be addressed. Yes, boys will be boys; however, there's no excuse for boys being illiterate and aliterate in today's society.
Why is this happening?
Research on gender and literacy has shown some interesting facts:
1) Boys take longer to learn to read than girls
2) Boys read less than girls
3) Girls comprehend both narrative and expository texts better than boys
4) Boys finding reading boring and no fun
5) Boys like informational texts more than fiction--most reading teachers are women who favor fiction rather than informational texts
6) Boys do not like reading stories about girls; girls don't mind reading about boys or girls
7) Boys enjoy escapism and humor, science fiction, and fantasy
8) The majority of learning support students are boys (80%)
9) Boys like to read books about things they do or might be interested in doing
10) After the early years, boys view reading as a girl's activity
In other words, if we want boys to read, we have to try to help them find interesting, informational books that tap into their personal interests. They need to see their fathers, big brothers, or other male figures reading books. Since boys have a tendency to be more active, they need more breaks and opportunities to move around the classroom even as they are reading. Most older boys like to read books that serve a purpose--like fixing a Chevy . . .
So we can continue to teach them against the grain or accept the fact that those boys in our lives have different needs that must be addressed. Yes, boys will be boys; however, there's no excuse for boys being illiterate and aliterate in today's society.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Pinning People Down in Little Boxes
I love analyzing people with the best of them using the MBTI, the Enneagram, and just about any other personality test available, but why why do people insist on analyzing people to death according to type? I mean do we really all fit into a "type". These "types" don't account changes in life periodically, temporarily or possibly from life events. I pride myself in being a mix of lots of characteristics because I have worked hard on balance. Balance is key. I like to think of myself as a Mixed Type. I don't have a type. I feel as soon as somebody places me in a box, I want to wiggle out and stretch my arms and say "I'm free."
I'm free to be what I want. Maybe today I am an INTP; tomorrow I'll be an ENFP. Who knows. No matter what type I am, and like I said, I do enjoy trying to understand people better using these tests, I still feel that understanding where I am coming from in a larger brushstroke is more important. People are more complicated than a series of adjectives used to describe their behavior and then again, how many of us are truly objective when thinking about ourselves. Aren't these "types" subject to what people may want to think they are--but in reality could be the exact opposite. Of course a certain amount of maturity and intelligence is needed in order take these kinds of tests, but the bottom line is this: Accept people for who they are; observe people in the "now" to make predictions for the "then", put yourself in their shoes for a while and "see" where they are coming from. Don't paint people in broad brushstrokes then complain when you can't understand them. We are all composed series of reflections of light.
I'm free to be what I want. Maybe today I am an INTP; tomorrow I'll be an ENFP. Who knows. No matter what type I am, and like I said, I do enjoy trying to understand people better using these tests, I still feel that understanding where I am coming from in a larger brushstroke is more important. People are more complicated than a series of adjectives used to describe their behavior and then again, how many of us are truly objective when thinking about ourselves. Aren't these "types" subject to what people may want to think they are--but in reality could be the exact opposite. Of course a certain amount of maturity and intelligence is needed in order take these kinds of tests, but the bottom line is this: Accept people for who they are; observe people in the "now" to make predictions for the "then", put yourself in their shoes for a while and "see" where they are coming from. Don't paint people in broad brushstrokes then complain when you can't understand them. We are all composed series of reflections of light.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Double Bind Theory, Anyone?
Want to drive yourself crazy? Find someone who places you in a double bind situation that makes you doubt yourself and feel cornered. Recently I spoke with someone (where and who never mind) who called me to ask a computer-related question. Of course, I eagerly took the bait and agreed to help her with the situation. Here's the conversation (A = acquaintance; M = me)
A: My son says that my daughter's computer needs xyz installed on it. Have you ever heard of this?
M: Well, no, I've never heard of it needing to be installed. I thought it was a part of the system.
A: No, you've never heard of that? My son says it costs $15--I told him to buy it. He was all worried about it--he's so thrifty.
M: At least it's not $100 or more. That's pretty good.
A: I know that's why I told him to get it.
M: Did he take it somewhere to be sure?
A: Well, he is very computer literate so he would know . . .
M: Is he sure that something is not corrupted? Did he check that first?
A: Well, like I said, he knows what he's doing so . . .
M: (processing processing . . . "Then why the hell did you call me in the first place??")
A: Where can you get that? Is this something we can get in (city)?
M: It's probably easier and cheaper to buy it online.
A: Well, that what he IS doing anyway.
M: (processing processing . . . "Then why did you ask me if you can buy it in (city) and where you can find it????)
M: Oh. Well good luck with that. At least it can be fixed.
A: Okay, thanks bye.
Here it is:
Double bind, n.
A: My son says that my daughter's computer needs xyz installed on it. Have you ever heard of this?
M: Well, no, I've never heard of it needing to be installed. I thought it was a part of the system.
A: No, you've never heard of that? My son says it costs $15--I told him to buy it. He was all worried about it--he's so thrifty.
M: At least it's not $100 or more. That's pretty good.
A: I know that's why I told him to get it.
M: Did he take it somewhere to be sure?
A: Well, he is very computer literate so he would know . . .
M: Is he sure that something is not corrupted? Did he check that first?
A: Well, like I said, he knows what he's doing so . . .
M: (processing processing . . . "Then why the hell did you call me in the first place??")
A: Where can you get that? Is this something we can get in (city)?
M: It's probably easier and cheaper to buy it online.
A: Well, that what he IS doing anyway.
M: (processing processing . . . "Then why did you ask me if you can buy it in (city) and where you can find it????)
M: Oh. Well good luck with that. At least it can be fixed.
A: Okay, thanks bye.
Here it is:
Double bind, n.
1. A psychological impasse created when contradictory demands are made of an individual, such as a child or an employee, so that no matter which directive is followed, the response will be construed as incorrect.
2 A situation in which a person must choose between equally unsatisfactory alternatives; a punishing and inescapable dilemma.
From "Schizophrenia and the Family II: Paradox and Absurdity in Human Communication Reconsidered" by Matthijs Koopmans (York College/CUNY)
"Feedback and stability in the system are closely related: ongoing positive feedback cycles produce high fluctuation, structural change, or, in extreme instances, chaotic behavior. Ongoing negative feedback cycles, on the other hand, have a stabilizing effect on the system. High variability in communicative expressions indicates lack of stability. Whether feedback is defined as positive or negative depends on whether fluctuation are increased or reduced in such situations."
No wonder I felt crazy . . .
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