Eats, Shoots & Leaves

Why Punctuation Matters

Currently I'm reading Lynne Truss's Eats, Shoots & Leaves, a book-length rant about shoddy punctuation practices both in the US and UK. I, too, am a reluctant stickler. I have muted my stickler voice over the years simply because no one likes to be corrected, no one likes a know-it-all, and not many people truly understand what the hell you are talking about anyway! Here is an example of a flyer I found wedged in between the door frame and screen door of my front house. It appears as though it was typed on a computer. Yeah for him!! But unfortunately the poor chap failed to recognize those little wavy red lines and green lines clearly shouting out to the typist using MS Word that there is something amiss!

PLUM ST. SNOW REMOVAL

(Okay so far.)

ONE MAN ONE BLOWER

(Catchy--that's why I called to get more info.)

RESDINTAL SIDEWALKS AND DRIVEWAYS

(This is when my eyes started to cross.)

Mr. Winter is here and your saying to yourself man I

(Yes, this is a saying I often say.)
(I don't call myself, man, since I'm a woman.)

don't want to shovel that snow today.

What do I do?

I got it,I got it. I'll call Chris. He's right around the coner

(Ahh the comma-period! A newly invented form of punctuation!)
(Is it that an orange coner; the pylon thingy?)

and up the street. Highly afford in these hard times. So I

(Forded a stream? River? Affordable?)

say stay warm and let me work for you. One rate and

the price will never change.

For more info Call

(Capitals always make something look more important.)

xxx-xxx-xxxx ask for Chris

Quality work for a low price___

(Technically the writer has not taken a breath here . . .
he could be turning blue or dead as we speak.)

Wars at Work: When in Doubt, Be Switzerland

from Infoplease . . .

Strict neutrality was its policy in both world wars. Geneva was the seat of the League of Nations (later the European headquarters of the United Nations) and of a number of international organizations.

On Sept 10, 2002, the Swiss abandoned their long-held neutrality to become the 190th member of the UN.

International disputes: none

Possibly crazy? Perhaps impossible? Politically naive and idealistic?

Being neutral in the face of major changes, upheavals, and warring factions at work can possibly be a poor or brilliant political move depending upon the circumstances. In one regard, either side could see you as a potential threat because they don't know exactly where you stand regarding an issue (are you for me or against me?). On the other hand, the fact that you didn't take a strong stand or move to one side shows that you are more flexible and willing to listen to both parties. And unfortunately, both sides could see you as snooty, selfish, or just disengaged, perhaps looking for another job (or in the case of Switzerland, counting the money in your bank accounts).

The bottom line comes down to this: you must do what keeps you employed and allows you to continue doing what you love. I love my job; I don't like all aspects of it, but I want to keep it. Furthermore, I am extremely busy: what matters right now in my situation is to keep afloat and keep teaching my students. I have opinions and I will voice them when I have the time to fight that battle, but right now, I have absolutely no fight in me. In addition, taking a strong stand against someone who is still your boss can be very uncomfortable to say the least. No matter what, your boss (unless he or she is a brutal despot--and I've worked for those nuts) is still someone you turn to for support and guidance. Do you really want to ruin that relationship?

It's all very complicated. So I play Switzerland. I see the merits of both sides and listen to their views. I state my personal opinion directly and unemotionally; sometimes playing devil's advocate; yet I commiserate with them regarding their concerns with the situation. I guess, there really is no artifice in this, though it may seem that way. I don't necessarily make a game plan, but a neutrality plan so that I can concentrate on what I love most (teaching) and keep away from the land mines. So perhaps this isn't so much neutrality as "selective backing" --I pick and choose the issues that I agree and disagree with to support or nix.

I have found over the years that it actually requires more skill and work to take this side, but in the long run I feel less drained and sapped of energy. I also have a stronger sense of self, and self-respect. I have not betrayed how I feel and have honored my needs and beliefs first and foremost. So . . . I feel less fragile and worn out. Something has to be said about self preservation and keeping one's eye on the larger picture. By maintaining some distance I can see the issue more clearly.

"No Dentist Left Behind"

John Taylor, retired superintendent of schools in Lancaster, SC, offers this history of the essay which he wrote while leading that district:

"The parody was originally titled 'Absolutely the Best Dentists.' It was written and sent to every newspaper and legislator in South Carolina a number of years ago in an attempt to point out the absurdities inherent in South Carolina's then new accountability act which was focused on 'absolute' performance and threatened retention for every child who couldn't meet very challenging grade level standards. (Not to mention severe penalties for 'poorly performing' schools, teachers ands administrators.) Since then it has traveled widely to the point that I have not been able to keep up with the uses; but I know it has appeared in teacher association publications in at least three Canadian Provinces and in Australia, as well as dozens in the USA. The No Child Left Behind Act (NCLB) seems to have given the story a new life."

Thus: No Dentist Left Behind.

http://www.trelease-on-reading.com/no-dentist.html

Going for Baroque and Loving It

Recently through Pandora.com I discovered these two CDs from the "Baroque" station I created. Wow. Andrew Manze plays the classical baroque style violin for both selections and his performance and interpretation of the music is amazing and stunning. I never heard of Mealli before and from the nonexistent bio on Pandora.com, it's obvious he's a recent find. Biber has a longer, well-documented history, yet his music has a fresh, avant guard sound for that time. Both CDs are breathtaking . . .

Heinrich Ignaz Franze von Biber (composer), Romanesca (performer), Nigel North (performer), Andrew Manze (performer)

Harmonia Mundi, 2002

Giovanni Mealli (composer), Richard Egarr (performer), Andrew Manze (performer)

Harmonia Mundi, 1999

If You Think You Have an Idiot Boss, Think Again . . .

"Spich EEmpadumeeent"

IB= Idiot Boss

M = Me

IB: Well . . . perhaps he is imitating how you are saying Bill

M: [Hunh?] I don’t say Bill like Beeeel. I say Bill.

IB: But maybe he thinks that is what YOU are saying.

M: [processing . . . processing . . . so you’re telling me that >>I<< have a speech impediment and that that this particular nine year old student who I’ve worked with for 2 months now, for one, half hour a day, five days/week, has through some miracle, picked up on how I MAY be mispronouncing a word????]

[And given that the name "Bill" comes up so infrequently in our conversations about books and reading, it must further be some kind of complex ability—a regular marvel to modern science—that he can remember and imitate a word that I "could" have mispronounced a few times to him. Hmmmm . . . this is a very profound conversation. It needs to stop now.]

But he is using the name "Bill" to decode other word with the same rime . . . like pill, will, mill . .

IB: But I heard a story once of a teacher who worked in Alabama who would pronounce the word "it’s" and the kids would pronounce it (to her) like "eats". Therefore the kids heard her pronounce the word like "eats".

M: [No, IB, that would mean they have what we call an "accent" and the kids are pronouncing the word according to how they were taught at home from the area of the country they live in not because they are misinterpreting her pronunciation of "it’s".]

[I shake my head inwardly as if I have just stepped into a very large icky cobweb.]

He is not hearing ME mispronounce the word. He already pronounces the word incorrectly and uses it to decode all words that end in ill as EEL . . . [You, freaking IB]

IB: Oh. So he is saying other words incorrectly.

M:[Did I not just say this??]

. . . . . And

M: [processing . . . No, of course, not. I just have a particular obsession with him mispronouncing the word "Bill". That is why I spent several emails trying to explain to the "misguidance counselor" my concerns that this decoding issue could be affecting his reading.]

Yes, IB, he is mispronouncing other words as well.

IB: Ohhh . . . .

M: [Well, I’m glad my resume has been recently updated. It could be useful in the year to come]

Confession: This is My Secret Too

Okay, while I didn't mail this "secret" to PostSecret, I admit I do this with my older students. It's lots of fun--especially when you see a glimmer if interest. Hey, I'm allowed to have fun too! [devilish grin]

Fear and Loathing in a School District

Teachers are stressed out people I agree, but I don't recall meeting such a disgruntled bunch of people in my life (okay, minus the people at my first job). Now I like these folks, but when they get started grumbling I want to start running . . . so if I were to send a open letter to all new teachers and administrators--it would go something like this:

1) Always keep a promise--to students, colleagues, and staff. I'm finding the group of teachers I work with need to be "re-parented", have trust issues, and are extremely sensitive. From years of broken promises and feeling neglected, they are quick to point out any minor misstep. They are very literal minded folks. If you say you're going to be in their classrooms some time soon, they assume you're going to be there tomorrow. :-) Oye vey. The same holds true with students--I remember promising a student a long time ago that I was going to buy him special origami paper I found at a store. Well, every day thereafter, he kept asking me for it and for god's sake, why did I even make that promise? That was the last thing he needed--another disappointment, and while it may not seem a big deal, it WAS a big deal, and I made a note never to do that silly stuff again. When you fail to keep a promise, people remember--always!

2) Be visible and communicate OFTEN--to students, parents, colleagues, and staff. Contrary to what students and employees say, they really DO want to see you hovering over them . . . it means you care about the quality of their work, their personal contributions, and their successes. It also shows that you are a conscientious leader/teacher and that you also pride yourself in the quality of your work. In addition, I have found that communicating quickly with parents at the beginning of the year is very effective. Because I sent letters home to the parents at the very beginning of the year, they were less anxious and tied up in knots because they knew what was going on and there were no surprises. Also, whenever I get a call from a parent, I call back as soon as possible and give that parent as much time as I can to allay his or her fears. It just builds a wonderful rapport and a great foundation for trust (there's that word again). Yes, and return colleagues' phone calls/emails asap.

3) Even if you aren't a parent, you have to become one. I find that adults and children respond very well to boundary setting, guidance, and direction. And sometimes due to poor prior relationships, students and employees need to see you as the parental figure--the rock, the safe spot, home base--whatever. Wherever you are developmentally, you need to dig deeply inside yourself and envision the people around you as needy children. And then establish a rudimentary goal of meeting those needs . . . the constant complainer is saying "pay attention to me"; the oppositional defiant is saying "respect my needs" and so on. They also want you so say, "Hey that's enough" and "Stop" and "NO!" because it makes them feel safe. It's simple psychology, but it's also the difference between having a hellish year and a marvelous one.

4) Don't bite off more than you can chew. People often remember our failures more than our successes, probably because they are more likely to remember how they were hurt as a result of our failures :-). (There is some interesting research about why "hurt" sticks with us more than "happiness", but that's another post). Go slowly, and take baby steps, then relish the success of those small changes. People in general cannot deal with change--particularly as they age and also from not being asked to change . . . so move slowly and be happy when small changes produce sounds no louder than water lapping up against a rock in a pond. It's a good thing. And students, even though they are young and more resilient at times, also have a hard time dealing with change, so respect the "traditions" and go with the flow--not because you necessarily agree with the flow but because you want your students to feel safe (there's that concept again). I love change and can weather it better than others, but I have learned to respect others' need for sameness and it's made me a better teacher and colleague because of this.

5) Celebrate success LOUDLY. Don't go quietly into the night . . . shout it out! Make note of every single success (regardless of size) you observe or hear about. No sappy saccharine stuff is needed here--just point out the accomplishment. Students and employees will be eating out of your hand! Usually on Mondays I take stock of student "successes" by reviewing the previous week. I review my guidelines and ask students to assess their own performance. I also note the successes I observed the previous week and make a big deal out of it. And it's always nice to thank students and employees publicly--even for completing minor tasks or for meeting a small goal--in front of their peers. Once again, this is the re-parenting and "you matter" part. It works, trust me it works!

6) Lastly, don't beat yourself up. Nothing ever good came out of self-flagellation. So stop now, take it in stride, and revise your plan for the next time. I have often started a lesson in first period and thought it was awful. Then by the third or fourth period, that lesson was totally revised--for the better. I also have found that by admitting I make mistakes and by pointing out to my students that, hey, I don't think that lesson was very effective--but, hey kids, stay tuned for next time for the revised, and newly improved version--my students are less likely to be critical and more likely to admire my willingness to show my human side. This also applies to colleagues and employees--pointing out one of our mistakes or wrong decisions, once in a while can be very effective--as long as you make motions to revise that error.

Much luck!

Sincerely,
a teacher

The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Reader

GoodReads soothes the soul of lonely readers everywhere. Think you are the only bookish, nerd you know? Think again. This site offers a chance to connect with readers all over the country (and the world). You can create a profile; list, review, and rate books you have read; explore others' choices, while participating in group discussions, playing trivia games and searching the ongoing "listopia". Can't beat it. It's fun way to meet new people an informative way to share book recommendations with friends.

Go to:

www.goodreads.com

'Tis the Season . . . to Interview

Interviewing is by far the most unnerving yet critical aspects to clinching a job today and oh how I LOVE a good interview, but hate the wait time. I always wonder if interviewers remember those days of searching for a job . . . waiting for a phone call . . . a response . . . an answer. It's painful. I consider myself patient, but I'm not especially settled when I know that my future is hanging by a thread. I go into interviews prepared and ready to answer queries and potential land mines. But it never seems to be enough!

Last week the assistant superintendent at a school district called me to set up an interview. Said he wanted to check my qualifications and make sure that I knew the aspects of the job. Turns out the newspaper didn't indicate that it was a one year position. No matter to me . . . I'll take it. It's a risk, but chances are, if you perform well, the school will hire you in another capacity or for that job . . . you just never know. So . . . he said that he was going to talk to the principals and then set up a time for an interview for next week (that would be this week). He wanted to see how they could include me in the program even though it was through the special education department and they were going to see "how to make that work." Hmm. Then he asked if I was teaching in a district and I said "No, I'm teaching, but not in a district." He said. "OH!" and I thought "oh no . . . oh no . . .does this matter??" He then said, "But you have a secondary certificate in English, correct?" I said "YES!" (not that loudly) Well, I didn't hear from him the rest of Friday, so I called. The secretary told me that he had been in meetings all day and that he was in a meeting right then. I started panicking. I thought I'm done I'm done. . . he's not interested . . . he's confused me with someone else and made a mistake calling me. So I fast forwarded the time to after work. I thought maybe he called me at home and left a "regret" message. That would be the safe way. Or maybe he didn't call at all. That would be preferable because then that meant he was really busy. OH GOD! The knots one can bind oneself up in--it's insane. CRAZY. So I've been waiting all weekend wondering if he would call me at home (didn't) and then wondered when he had a time in mind next week because we all have a shortened week (panic).

Perhaps I need to cool it and find something else to do with my time . . . Maybe I'll make jewelry.

Umm Like Hemingway or Something

Me:

Standing in line to buy a book at Barnes and Noble

Unknown High School/College Student to Salesperson:

Like. Yeah. I have to get this book called I think Old Man and the Sea (intoned as a question) and I don't know where to find it. I'm not sure if it's fiction or nonfiction. (I was impressed she even knew the difference--this would lead me to believe that she probably is indeed a college student at a local college. Community. Very local.)

I think it's like Hemingway or something. (She shook her head and rolled her eyes like how could her teacher/professor possibly expect her to find such an obscure book at a bookstore of all places.)

Salesperson:

Hmmm . . . Let me check the computer for you (she actually had to think about this??)

Me: (silently)

Like Hemingway or something! What the hell . . . Okay, be nice. BE NICE. And wow it's like some crazy author--no one has heard of him. Like whoa. He's so rare. Wow, like I had better check the computer because there is a strong possibility that Barnes and Noble may not carry this book. I mean, it's so rare and all.

Me:

I know I know--I'm a teacher. Like yeah!! And gawd I should understand the plight of our youth today, seeing that they were brought up and raised by TVs instead of people. And it's my job to rub the grit of ignorance out of their eyes, right?? Like yeah! But jaysus there are days I want to beat my head against a very hard door and wonder if, for example, that Old Man and the Sea, which is not the best of Hemingway, will be the only book this poor brain-frittered mind of a girl will ever read in her life and that my friends is the saddest tale of all.