Sunday, October 19, 2008
Confession: This is My Secret Too
Okay, while I didn't mail this "secret" to PostSecret, I admit I do this with my older students. It's lots of fun--especially when you see a glimmer if interest. Hey, I'm allowed to have fun too! [devilish grin]
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Fear and Loathing in a School District
Teachers are stressed out people I agree, but I don't recall meeting such a disgruntled bunch of people in my life (okay, minus the people at my first job). Now I like these folks, but when they get started grumbling I want to start running . . . so if I were to send a open letter to all new teachers and administrators--it would go something like this:
1) Always keep a promise--to students, colleagues, and staff. I'm finding the group of teachers I work with need to be "re-parented", have trust issues, and are extremely sensitive. From years of broken promises and feeling neglected, they are quick to point out any minor misstep. They are very literal minded folks. If you say you're going to be in their classrooms some time soon, they assume you're going to be there tomorrow. :-) Oye vey. The same holds true with students--I remember promising a student a long time ago that I was going to buy him special origami paper I found at a store. Well, every day thereafter, he kept asking me for it and for god's sake, why did I even make that promise? That was the last thing he needed--another disappointment, and while it may not seem a big deal, it WAS a big deal, and I made a note never to do that silly stuff again. When you fail to keep a promise, people remember--always!
2) Be visible and communicate OFTEN--to students, parents, colleagues, and staff. Contrary to what students and employees say, they really DO want to see you hovering over them . . . it means you care about the quality of their work, their personal contributions, and their successes. It also shows that you are a conscientious leader/teacher and that you also pride yourself in the quality of your work. In addition, I have found that communicating quickly with parents at the beginning of the year is very effective. Because I sent letters home to the parents at the very beginning of the year, they were less anxious and tied up in knots because they knew what was going on and there were no surprises. Also, whenever I get a call from a parent, I call back as soon as possible and give that parent as much time as I can to allay his or her fears. It just builds a wonderful rapport and a great foundation for trust (there's that word again). Yes, and return colleagues' phone calls/emails asap.
3) Even if you aren't a parent, you have to become one. I find that adults and children respond very well to boundary setting, guidance, and direction. And sometimes due to poor prior relationships, students and employees need to see you as the parental figure--the rock, the safe spot, home base--whatever. Wherever you are developmentally, you need to dig deeply inside yourself and envision the people around you as needy children. And then establish a rudimentary goal of meeting those needs . . . the constant complainer is saying "pay attention to me"; the oppositional defiant is saying "respect my needs" and so on. They also want you so say, "Hey that's enough" and "Stop" and "NO!" because it makes them feel safe. It's simple psychology, but it's also the difference between having a hellish year and a marvelous one.
4) Don't bite off more than you can chew. People often remember our failures more than our successes, probably because they are more likely to remember how they were hurt as a result of our failures :-). (There is some interesting research about why "hurt" sticks with us more than "happiness", but that's another post). Go slowly, and take baby steps, then relish the success of those small changes. People in general cannot deal with change--particularly as they age and also from not being asked to change . . . so move slowly and be happy when small changes produce sounds no louder than water lapping up against a rock in a pond. It's a good thing. And students, even though they are young and more resilient at times, also have a hard time dealing with change, so respect the "traditions" and go with the flow--not because you necessarily agree with the flow but because you want your students to feel safe (there's that concept again). I love change and can weather it better than others, but I have learned to respect others' need for sameness and it's made me a better teacher and colleague because of this.
5) Celebrate success LOUDLY. Don't go quietly into the night . . . shout it out! Make note of every single success (regardless of size) you observe or hear about. No sappy saccharine stuff is needed here--just point out the accomplishment. Students and employees will be eating out of your hand! Usually on Mondays I take stock of student "successes" by reviewing the previous week. I review my guidelines and ask students to assess their own performance. I also note the successes I observed the previous week and make a big deal out of it. And it's always nice to thank students and employees publicly--even for completing minor tasks or for meeting a small goal--in front of their peers. Once again, this is the re-parenting and "you matter" part. It works, trust me it works!
6) Lastly, don't beat yourself up. Nothing ever good came out of self-flagellation. So stop now, take it in stride, and revise your plan for the next time. I have often started a lesson in first period and thought it was awful. Then by the third or fourth period, that lesson was totally revised--for the better. I also have found that by admitting I make mistakes and by pointing out to my students that, hey, I don't think that lesson was very effective--but, hey kids, stay tuned for next time for the revised, and newly improved version--my students are less likely to be critical and more likely to admire my willingness to show my human side. This also applies to colleagues and employees--pointing out one of our mistakes or wrong decisions, once in a while can be very effective--as long as you make motions to revise that error.
Much luck!
Sincerely,
a teacher
1) Always keep a promise--to students, colleagues, and staff. I'm finding the group of teachers I work with need to be "re-parented", have trust issues, and are extremely sensitive. From years of broken promises and feeling neglected, they are quick to point out any minor misstep. They are very literal minded folks. If you say you're going to be in their classrooms some time soon, they assume you're going to be there tomorrow. :-) Oye vey. The same holds true with students--I remember promising a student a long time ago that I was going to buy him special origami paper I found at a store. Well, every day thereafter, he kept asking me for it and for god's sake, why did I even make that promise? That was the last thing he needed--another disappointment, and while it may not seem a big deal, it WAS a big deal, and I made a note never to do that silly stuff again. When you fail to keep a promise, people remember--always!
2) Be visible and communicate OFTEN--to students, parents, colleagues, and staff. Contrary to what students and employees say, they really DO want to see you hovering over them . . . it means you care about the quality of their work, their personal contributions, and their successes. It also shows that you are a conscientious leader/teacher and that you also pride yourself in the quality of your work. In addition, I have found that communicating quickly with parents at the beginning of the year is very effective. Because I sent letters home to the parents at the very beginning of the year, they were less anxious and tied up in knots because they knew what was going on and there were no surprises. Also, whenever I get a call from a parent, I call back as soon as possible and give that parent as much time as I can to allay his or her fears. It just builds a wonderful rapport and a great foundation for trust (there's that word again). Yes, and return colleagues' phone calls/emails asap.
3) Even if you aren't a parent, you have to become one. I find that adults and children respond very well to boundary setting, guidance, and direction. And sometimes due to poor prior relationships, students and employees need to see you as the parental figure--the rock, the safe spot, home base--whatever. Wherever you are developmentally, you need to dig deeply inside yourself and envision the people around you as needy children. And then establish a rudimentary goal of meeting those needs . . . the constant complainer is saying "pay attention to me"; the oppositional defiant is saying "respect my needs" and so on. They also want you so say, "Hey that's enough" and "Stop" and "NO!" because it makes them feel safe. It's simple psychology, but it's also the difference between having a hellish year and a marvelous one.
4) Don't bite off more than you can chew. People often remember our failures more than our successes, probably because they are more likely to remember how they were hurt as a result of our failures :-). (There is some interesting research about why "hurt" sticks with us more than "happiness", but that's another post). Go slowly, and take baby steps, then relish the success of those small changes. People in general cannot deal with change--particularly as they age and also from not being asked to change . . . so move slowly and be happy when small changes produce sounds no louder than water lapping up against a rock in a pond. It's a good thing. And students, even though they are young and more resilient at times, also have a hard time dealing with change, so respect the "traditions" and go with the flow--not because you necessarily agree with the flow but because you want your students to feel safe (there's that concept again). I love change and can weather it better than others, but I have learned to respect others' need for sameness and it's made me a better teacher and colleague because of this.
5) Celebrate success LOUDLY. Don't go quietly into the night . . . shout it out! Make note of every single success (regardless of size) you observe or hear about. No sappy saccharine stuff is needed here--just point out the accomplishment. Students and employees will be eating out of your hand! Usually on Mondays I take stock of student "successes" by reviewing the previous week. I review my guidelines and ask students to assess their own performance. I also note the successes I observed the previous week and make a big deal out of it. And it's always nice to thank students and employees publicly--even for completing minor tasks or for meeting a small goal--in front of their peers. Once again, this is the re-parenting and "you matter" part. It works, trust me it works!
6) Lastly, don't beat yourself up. Nothing ever good came out of self-flagellation. So stop now, take it in stride, and revise your plan for the next time. I have often started a lesson in first period and thought it was awful. Then by the third or fourth period, that lesson was totally revised--for the better. I also have found that by admitting I make mistakes and by pointing out to my students that, hey, I don't think that lesson was very effective--but, hey kids, stay tuned for next time for the revised, and newly improved version--my students are less likely to be critical and more likely to admire my willingness to show my human side. This also applies to colleagues and employees--pointing out one of our mistakes or wrong decisions, once in a while can be very effective--as long as you make motions to revise that error.
Much luck!
Sincerely,
a teacher
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