Double Bind Theory, Anyone?

Want to drive yourself crazy? Find someone who places you in a double bind situation that makes you doubt yourself and feel cornered. Recently I spoke with someone (where and who never mind) who called me to ask a computer-related question. Of course, I eagerly took the bait and agreed to help her with the situation. Here's the conversation (A = acquaintance; M = me)

A: My son says that my daughter's computer needs xyz installed on it. Have you ever heard of this?

M: Well, no, I've never heard of it needing to be installed. I thought it was a part of the system.

A: No, you've never heard of that? My son says it costs $15--I told him to buy it. He was all worried about it--he's so thrifty.

M: At least it's not $100 or more. That's pretty good.

A: I know that's why I told him to get it.

M: Did he take it somewhere to be sure?

A: Well, he is very computer literate so he would know . . .

M: Is he sure that something is not corrupted? Did he check that first?

A: Well, like I said, he knows what he's doing so . . .

M: (processing processing . . . "Then why the hell did you call me in the first place??")

A: Where can you get that? Is this something we can get in (city)?

M: It's probably easier and cheaper to buy it online.

A: Well, that what he IS doing anyway.

M: (processing processing . . . "Then why did you ask me if you can buy it in (city) and where you can find it????)

M: Oh. Well good luck with that. At least it can be fixed.

A: Okay, thanks bye.

Here it is:

Double bind, n.

1. A psychological impasse created when contradictory demands are made of an individual, such as a child or an employee, so that no matter which directive is followed, the response will be construed as incorrect.

2 A situation in which a person must choose between equally unsatisfactory alternatives; a punishing and inescapable dilemma.

From "Schizophrenia and the Family II: Paradox and Absurdity in Human Communication Reconsidered" by Matthijs Koopmans (York College/CUNY)

"Feedback and stability in the system are closely related: ongoing positive feedback cycles produce high fluctuation, structural change, or, in extreme instances, chaotic behavior. Ongoing negative feedback cycles, on the other hand, have a stabilizing effect on the system. High variability in communicative expressions indicates lack of stability. Whether feedback is defined as positive or negative depends on whether fluctuation are increased or reduced in such situations."

No wonder I felt crazy . . .